THE DELICATE JOB OF KEEPING MILO HEALTHY

Posted: September 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

MILO’S LIST OF MEDICINE

Prescribed by Dr. P.P. Pobre Seetoe

Care Ward of the Chronically Useless

St. Felicia Hopeless Hospital

  • 1 Aspirin at start of day to reduce clogged arteries caused by badgering wife
  • 1 strong cup of coffee in morning – served with muffin slightly heated with butter and homemade marmalade
  • 2-ounces Jim Beam every 3-hours – repeat until unconscious
  • 2 Miller High Life Beers – 16-ounces/each – every hour until belching becomes obnoxious to kids and their friends
  • 3-Hour naps —  starting at 10 am — repeat as often as needed – take with food
  • Juicy Steak served with onions or other delicious condiments – once per day around dinnertime
  • 1-2 Bottles of California Wine with dinner not to exceed 12 bottles at any one sitting unless wife prepares exceptional meal
  • 3-minutes of attempting to touch toes – or other reasonable exercise
    • (Note: If unable to see toes — substitute touching the sky with fingertips)
  • 1-2 PBS Documentaries per evening – take with Nachos or Popcorn – served by wife 
  • 1-6 hours of Cops/The Simpson’s or reasonable relaxing sit-com – wife rubs feet during show
  • 5-hours of Red Zone each Sunday during NFL Football season with beer & whiskey
  • Sunday & Monday Night Football during NFL football season with beer only
  • Change T-Shirt & Underwear once per week, bathe occasionally, ask wife for Norwegian nurse to assist in personal hygiene
  • Check heart rate, blood sugar and pulse — if still alive cancel burial plot check — monitor once per year
  • 12-Hours sleep – uninterrupted except for 6-12 bathroom breaks during night
  • 1-152 Affirmative nods of head while wife nagging about getting job — best taken with full plate of spaghetti & side loaf of garlic bread
  • Take meds prescribed by doctor every two weeks — or just before doctor’s appointment
  • Eat 1-2 bites of zucchini per month — tell doctor “I eat a bunch of vegetables; I don’t know why I weigh as much as a horse.”
  • 3-hours ignoring kids until heart rate and poverty level subside
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