Posted: November 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

Spinning radically in my head, an alligator flips its tail onto the back of my eyeball. It must be an alligator because I cannot see a thing. It could have been the gin I drank last night, but that would be too obvious. Anyway, I have heard alligators are notorious for lingering in people’s minds after too much gin.

If my eyes could focus, I would be able to construct last evening’s roaring events. Then again, if my hands would concentrate on holding themselves still, I could scratch the top of my head to figure out where things went wrong and how an alligator slipped into my brain without me noticing it.

To make matters worse, Monday could not have arrived on a worse day. It could have been polite and waited until Tuesday or even Wednesday. I have always heard that Monday is not a very courteous day. Today I have confirmed its rudeness.

I need to wake out of my stupor and begin work. Nothing would please me more than to work. There is something deep inside of me telling me work would be good for me. Unfortunately, a dense fog is blocking out any sense of reality, so my body is unable to translate work’s sound into any suitable action. In fact, my body stands frozen in a snow packed tundra waiting for rescue. It may take a few days before that happens, since my mind is on vacation in Alberta right now.

My wife is talking to me this morning without realizing that her words go into my ears and drop directly to my toes. I hear their thud as they land and maybe a small wisp of air as they pass my brain. However, I cannot connect thoughts to their movement, although I am afraid she may hold me accountable later. I need her to understand that the alligator in my head is eating the meaning of her words as my toes become crammed with their debris. She will still yell at me, but I have a good excuse now that I have an alligator residing in my head.

It is noon. I have done nothing except write this. I started at 9:00 this morning. It has taken over three hours to write one page. I want to feel bad about my performance since feeling bad would be the responsible thing to do. Children are starving in Biafra and I am sitting at my desk drooling on myself. It is very pathetic to see a grown man slumped over a keyboard searching for the right key and missing nine times out of ten. However, since it is noon I can rest comfortably in the fact that the workday is half over and Tuesday will shortly come to my rescue. Fortunately, the alligator in my head will soon die of starvation since there is a limited supply of grey matter left to digest. My life will go back to normal and my wife will be happy again. Then I will read yesterday’s paper tomorrow to find out what happened today.

  1. elapro says:

    Reblogged this on elapro and commented:
    Nearly as fine as “paper cut reflections.” I have been converted, transformed, tranfixed, transfigured and consumed.

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